06-14-02

Dumb Crooks

SQUEALING TO THE POLICE
Police in Hot Springs, Arkansas were involved in a yard-to-yard foot pursuit of a suspected drug dealer when he suddenly disappeared. Moments later, officers heard the loud, high-pitched squeals of a pet potbellied pig -- and officers found the suspect hiding in the pig's home.

ROBBERY -- BEYOND THE PRICES
A trio of armed thieves in Monroe, Washington weren't happy the amount of money in a safe at a Starbucks Coffee store. Police said they confined the manager and two employees to a back room, donned aprons, waited on 18 to 25 customers, pocketed the proceeds and fled.

WHEW!
Two Wilson, North Carolina officers -- on their way to teach a college gun course -- somehow lost a submachine gun and handgun from the back of their pickup truck. Local police helped search the route for nearly a day with no success. Eventually, two commuters who'd found the weapons turned them in.

FACE VALUE
A Hitachi, Japan man who'd burst into a store and demanded money at knifepoint suddenly canceled his robbery and told the shopkeeper to call police. The suspect turned himself in because he'd forgotten to wear a mask -- and assumed he'd be identified.

WHAZZIS?
Police in Rochester, New York reported that a 16-year-old girl who attempted to rob a bank was foiled by her bad penmanship. While tellers passed her note around trying to decipher it, closing time came -- and the suspect was trapped in a locked foyer.

DROP THE CHIHUAHUA!
Enid, Oklahoma authorities charged a 21-year-old woman with trafficking children after she attempted to trade her 7-month-old baby girl for a Chihuahua puppy. Police said Kathryn Smith was turned in by her mother's neighbor, with whom she tried to strike the deal.

The defendant entered a convenience store where a woman was working. When she walked by him, he grabbed her by the front of her shirt, told her to get down on the floor, and pushed her straight back.

The woman told the defendant that there was money in the register, but he said he didn’t need any money. Afraid that the man was going to harm her, the woman activated an alarm as she struggled with him.

After seeing her push the alarm button, the defendant dragged the clerk through the storeroom doors and kicked them shut. In the storeroom, he tried to have sex with the woman, but was not able to. He then ordered her to dress herself and forced her through the storeroom doors.

The man wanted to know whether the alarm button activated a camera, and he began poking at the ceiling with a dust mop while the clerk “cowered in a corner.” In the process of looking for a camera, the defendant knocked down a curved mirror that shattered. He told the clerk to sweep up the broken glass.

When two customers entered the store, the defendant told the woman to “act natural or somebody is going to get hurt.” While waiting on the customers, the woman silently mouthed a message for them to call the police.

After the customers left, the defendant forced the clerk in an office where he pulled her pants down and penetrated her. At that point, the police entered and arrested the man. The clerk told them she had been raped.

While an officer who was assigned to transport the defendant to jail was getting instructions at the store, the defendant kept trying to explain what had happened. The officer told him not to say anything.

After receiving Miranda warnings, the officer told the defendant, “You can talk all you want.” The man made an oral statement, followed by a written statement in which he contended that he and the clerk were talking about sex when the two customers came in. According to the defendant, he and the clerk went into the back of the store after the customers left, and were about to have sex when the police arrived.

The defendant was charged with aggravated sexual assault. He moved to suppress his statements, arguing that the oral statement was obtained in violation of Article 38.22 of the Code of Criminal Procedure.

Holding: “Generally, article 38.22 precludes the use of statements arising from custodial interrogation and obtained without complying with various procedural safeguards.” It does not prohibit, however, the admission of statements that do not “stem from custodial interrogation” or those that are “res gestae of the arrest or the offense.”

Clearly, the defendant was in custody when he made his comments to the officer. The question in this case is whether the statements resulted from interrogation.

“’Interrogation’ under Miranda refers not only to express questioning, but also to any words or actions on the part of the police that the police should know are reasonably likely to elicit an incriminating response from the suspect.” Interrogation also includes “an element of coercion or compulsion in the words communicated by the law enforcement officials.”

In this case, from the time the officer arrived at the crime scene until he left with the defendant, the defendant repeatedly tried to explain his version of the events to the officer. His efforts were entirely unilateral; the officer expressly advised him to remain silent.

As the suspect was being transported form the scene, and after he had been given Miranda warnings, the officer merely invited the man to talk if he wanted to. He did not question the defendant or order him to speak, but merely afforded him an opportunity to do what the man had been trying to do since they first encountered each other.

There was no compulsion, either direct or indirect, on the officer’s part that led to the defendant’s statement. Consequently, the statement was not the product of “interrogation,” and Article 38.22 was not violated. The trial judge was not required to exclude the defendant’s volunteered statement. Smith v. State, No. 07-01-0018 (Tex. App. – Amarillo, 10-26-01).

New Words We Need

Each year the Washington Post's Style Invitational asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supplying a new definition.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you have been drinking.

For many days an old farmer had been plowing with an ox and a mule together and working them pretty hard. The ox said to the mule, “Let’s play sick today and rest a little while.” But the old mule said, “No, we need to get the work done, for the season is short.”

But the ox played sick, and the farmer brought him fresh hay and corn and made him comfortable. When the mule came in from plowing, the ox asked how he made out. “We didn’t get as much done, but we made it all right,” answered the mule. Then the ox asked, “What did the old man say about me?” “Nothing,” said the mule.

The next day the ox, thinking he had a good thing going, played sick again. When the mule came in again very tired, the ox asked, “How did it go?” The mule said, “All right, I guess, but we didn’t get much done.” Then the ox asked, “What did the old man say about me?”

“Nothing to me,” was the reply, “but he did stop and have a long talk with the butcher.”

Things You Shouldn't Drop